Momtroversial Parenting – Knitting the Lies

I have put myself into a full blown flare-up. I literally made myself sick with a parenting decision I made tonight. I went against every fiber and core of my being. Because I said I would. And there has to be follow through. But I am sitting here in intense pain and literally sick. I have a disease that is similar to Crohn’s and stress causes major issues. I almost welcome the pain. Fighting tears as I looked at the damage done. Knowing in my heart this was the RIGHT thing to do. No it wasn’t. This was too extreme. You broke a long ago promise to yourself. And you went against everything you fought against as a mom. You broke your own advice. Feels like shit doesn’t it? Pain? You deserve it. The emotional toll is half what he is going through

King Pig and I have a problem child. We expected it. I almost welcomed it. I am known as a modern Mary Poppins as a nanny. I handle kids with quirks and issues all the time. I can easily handle one of my own like that. Famous last words from the super nanny. Want to pull your hair out still? Starting to understand why that one family always seemed to have reasons to come home late? You get what you wish for chick! He is curious, exceptionally bright, energetic, and challenging. Just today I got a letter, they want to put him in advanced classes at his new school to give him more of a challenge. Its the modern day gifted and talented class. A few doctors place him on the Autism spectrum, and I came to terms with that. I basically agree with the official diagnosis of SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) Which is why I am so ill right now. But I am at my wits end with my problem child. And a punishment is a punishment right? So I am laying here looking furtively at my dresser and trying to breathe. Because tonight, I took away… THE BLANKIE   

I am an extreme believer in the power of comfort items. The need for some children to have that one “safe” item or place. I know adults who still have their blankies, and I even had a long discussion about this on my Facebook page. He has developed a habit of lying. And its about both little things and big things. It’s telling fantastic tales about new pet parrots and telling lies about how he was making noise because so-and-so rubbed soap in his eye. It’s constant. And it got so bad we have sign on his wall in his room. It reads  “Liars are LOSERS – 1) Lose Toys 2) Lose Privileges 3) Lose Friends 4) Lose the Blankie.” And he was up to round 4. So I took it. For a brief moment I gave it back. I left him to cry it out and when I came in an hour later to check on him, I found him passed out on his floor. As soon as I lifted him back into the bed, he starting reaching around for it. Whimpering in his sleep. And I briefly caved. Then I went upstairs to take a shower and while I was in there I found my backbone and went back and snuck it away. You took it. How could you TAKE it? You always tell your friends, take anything you want, but not the blankie or stuffie. And you TOOK the BLANKIE. You are officially the worst mom ever. Give it back! NO don’t. I can’t. I HAVE to hold my ground. But its so hard. MAN UP and hold on to it. You told him that was the last straw and you did it. Now stay strong. Or puss out. And let him walk all over you for the rest of his life.

I officially feel like the worst mom ever. But I am truly not sure what else to do. I’ve already gone in to comfort him a few times.  Something tells me I am in for a long night.

Advertisements

About momtroversial

I am a mom who often parents in ways that are considered too old fashioned or too unconventional. My husband went through a major mental health breakdown and took me on the roller coaster with him. At some point we will get off this damn ride. I recently went through a series of life altering events that have made me re-think my whole outlook on life. I am trying to be the kind of mom my work as a career nanny should have prepared me for but it does not always work. I hope to impact the lives of others that I KNOW are living with the same fears, hopes, dreams, anger, pain, joy, and more. Suicide and ink and children and life. That's about it. View all posts by momtroversial

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: