in 5 to 7 Business days…My journey begins….

I am scared to death. But I am ready to face this. And for the first time ever, I do not feel alone.

I had considered trying a new workout plan and gone over so many with my nutrition counselor before they tried diagnosing my condition. (I have something similar to Crohn’s disease, but with enough differences NIH doctors want to know what makes me tick) I was looking at Yoga because of my nerve issues. I needed something low impact and I read about DDP Yoga.  But I shoved it aside and continued fighting through surgeries, job losses, losing my father and FIL in under a years time, more surgeries. Years of health issues have made me sedentary, inflexible, and just… well… FAT. I have been working so hard to change my life, and I see myself and see I can not show the change of who I am inside without taking the outside on.

All the downtime and the lack of energy and strength made me sad. I found inspiration in humor, and I started my own Facebook page (where many of you follow me and my co-admin) when others told me to try. I am a writer, but I was scared to death. Who would want to hear what I have to say?  But, I have found myself with a new network of support, thanks to the social outlet of Facebook. Over 7000 people have decided to “follow” me.

I regained confidence in my personality, but I still hate how I look on the outside. I posted a photo of myself on my fan page, after almost a year of hiding in the shadows like the Wizard. It was a big day when I showed all my “followers” who I am, I was shocked at the support. I felt so much better about myself. And I also realized it was time to make a drastic and dramatic change. Enter Monday night Raw.

I had forgotten about DDP and the program. When he made the appearance on the show I was motivated to look again. And suddenly it hit me. Looking at the videos and seeing all the people who were wearing the gear for the program.
The main focus of the program is not “lose weight”. It is not “get skinny while I make millions” It is this….

OYL. – OWN YOUR LIFE

I have NOT been owning my life. My life has been owning me. I watched the videos and when I saw Stacey’s transformation, I was able to set my mind fully. Her first part of her video struck such a cord with me. I too,became the names.

Something I wrote during a bad thunderstorm the night I decided to take control of my life again…

A song says “I’m on the outside looking in” and that is how I feel
Losing me, inside of myself, I do not know what of me is real.
What I see in the mirror is not who I am, I want to know who that person could be. Time for me to step up in my life, time to return to ME.
I have proven myself a survivor, risen from the ashes again and again.
Now I need to be stronger, find something lost deep within.
Somewhere within the folds of this skin, under the scars and the pain,
I am still in here somewhere, time to find myself again, wash it away with the rain.  I have found myself in a place of success, and been supported like never before. All I have to do right now is put my feet on the ground and dare to open the door.

My wonderful husband is being my biggest supporter. My anniversary gift from him? DDP Yoga was ordered for me, because I am not working right now and did not want to buy it til I found another job. And he will be doing it with me on occasion, because it is DDP. So here we go…journey to a new me starts now. I hope I can do this! No wait. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I am OYL, no water or rain of sadness and lifes little dramas will bring me down.

©Momtroversial 2012/ NPR072312733A

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About momtroversial

I am a mom who often parents in ways that are considered too old fashioned or too unconventional. My husband went through a major mental health breakdown and took me on the roller coaster with him. At some point we will get off this damn ride. I recently went through a series of life altering events that have made me re-think my whole outlook on life. I am trying to be the kind of mom my work as a career nanny should have prepared me for but it does not always work. I hope to impact the lives of others that I KNOW are living with the same fears, hopes, dreams, anger, pain, joy, and more. Suicide and ink and children and life. That's about it. View all posts by momtroversial

2 responses to “in 5 to 7 Business days…My journey begins….

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